Stormy jealousy commits more crimes,than self-interest and ambition. (Voltaire) What is jealousy? It would seem that the answer is simple: the manifestation of a sense of a person's property in relation to the object of his love. Young schoolgirls are jealous of their neighbor on the desk looking at the girl opposite; jealous of the boys of their girlfriends, which are the focus of attention of other young people; jealous of the wives of their husbands, delayed at the next meeting. In a word, jealousy is a very ordinary phenomenon, and it does not cause anyone special surprise. But psychologists all over the world say that jealousy is a destructive feeling, that it can destroy even the best, brightest relations. Revnivtsy show aggression, engage in assault and even commit murder. What comes out, millions of people around the world voluntarily doomed themselves to such destructive feelings as jealousy? Scientists invent the most complicated vaccines against diseases, from which people suffer, but for the struggle with jealousy, no one has even lifted a finger yet? However, it does not seem that jealousy is a virus that can be treated. Unfortunately, none of the pharmacies has magic tablets from torment, suspicion and other suffering associated with jealousy, and are unlikely to appear. Because all the negative reactions emanating from jealous people depend only on themselves, and no medicine can change it. So what kind of animal is this, jealousy, and why do we suffer so much from it?
What is jealousy in fact?
It is customary to talk about jealousy when speakingcomes about the love triangle. How else? Her husband had a mistress, a girl flirting with a neighbor, his wife did not come home to spend the night. And so on and so forth…. How is jealousy manifested in a couple of loving people, where one partner suspects another of treason? Screams, scandals, threats, smashing utensils, and sometimes assault. And no one sees anything strange in this, they say, people are good, only jealousy forces them to do all these ugly deeds! But there is jealousy and a completely different nature: you can be jealous of someone else's success, someone else's money, someone else's happiness. These feelings are akin to ordinary envy, but only the difference is: the envious person can be satisfied that someone will lose the object of his envy, jealous wants to possess the object of his lust alone. Only about such zealous feelings somehow it is not customary to say aloud, does not paint this person. Well, imagine: some loser comes up to you and makes claims about the fact that you are prettier, smarter, sexier. Your reaction? Yes, you just turn your back on the strange girl and twist your finger at his temple. A pier, and what to you prevents to work a little above itself and to reach the same results? But if you are jealous of your boyfriend, then no one will be surprised that you are ready to scratch his eyes and express everything that you think about him and his relatives up to the seventh tribe. Maybe they will not approve of this behavior, but it will not seem strange to anyone, that's for sure! What can you do, it's so common in the world of people, jealousy is an invariable companion of all love relationships. It is generally accepted that in most cases people simply can not do otherwise, because we are so arranged. Although sometimes about this "device" a whole series of questions arise. First, let's forget about people a little and talk about our smaller brothers. Scientists have long concluded that in some species of animals, like us, the hormone oxytocin is produced, which is responsible for the need for love and a long-term partnership. And the manifestation of jealousy among the animals is also no exception. So, imagine: sitting on the grass is an established pair of gibbons (monkeys such) - a male and a female. Suddenly, another male with the most sexual intentions is rolling toward the female. What will our "spouse" -gibbon do, how will his jealousy manifest? He will warm his rival with a stick on the top of his head, snarl, grow hoarse after it, and it will subside. Will return to his beloved, calm down and will continue to protect it. Because jealousy and all the negative emotions associated with it are directed not at the object of his love, but at the arrogant primate who wants to destroy family happiness. And what happens in people? What does jealousy do with the objects of our love? We constantly harass our loved ones with unfounded suspicions, reproach ourselves with non-existent treachery and trepidation of nerves for absolutely fictitious reasons! And, it would seem, which is much easier: drive the opponent, imaginary or real, far away, and continue to enjoy the family idyll. A man - what, to protect and love it is necessary, but not to persecute with constant scandals and hourly checks. And then jealousy does not seem to be a universal evil, but a way to maintain a love relationship. But to do so in practice can only units, and public opinion refers them just to the category of people who are uneducated. For they do not arrange quarrels and do not reproach their second half. Why is it so difficult to remain loyal to the object of your love, why do not we tolerate a negative reaction to potential rivals? Because it disapproves the norms of public morality. For the fact that you go and select hair from your husband's cute colleague, no one will pat your head - just shake your head and call it a hysterical woman. And no jealousy will not serve as an excuse for your "heroic" deed. But for a home showdown with hysterics and beating utensils, which you arrange for the spouse (real or imagined) spouse, you will not be judged. That is why the jealous husbands of their unhappy wives are wasted for nothing, because jealous women are "eating" the last nerves of their spouses. After all, in this way they ease their own suffering, "release steam" and briefly calm down. It turns out some kind of stalemate: to act like our friend gibbon, chasing a rival stick, you can not, and break away on your favorite person - it seems too ugly. But this jealousy - no matter what it is, well-founded or not - is very much like a usual annoyance when you understand everything, but you can not do anything with your emotions. It's like standing in a traffic jam at rush hour: you really want to go, but circumstances do not allow you to move in the right direction, even though you cry! Realizing the senselessness of growing aggression, we simply suppress it, resulting in irritation. So what is jealousy? It turns out that this is just a depressed irritation, which you spit out on the most accessible object for you - namely, your loved one. And the degree of this jealousy depends only on how much you are able to contain negative emotions in relation to the opponent or rival. Everything else goes to someone whom you, in theory, should protect and protect from the "external threat".
How to overcome your jealousy
Sometimes jealousy is quite bizarreturns. Often people transfer their irritation to a loved one only because they feel uncompetitive with respect to their rivals. Unemployed lazy is much easier to arrange "raznosy" to his working wife, since the strength to rise up to the level of the opponent-boss is clearly not enough. An untidy, untidy wife easily and simply scandal with her husband about his views on other women. And none of these jealous people can, and that is rather more true - does not want to rise to the level of those who make them a rival. Hence the rule of fighting your own jealousy number 1: raise your own self-esteem and try to be no worse, or even better than those who can compete with you in a romantic relationship. Until you feel your competitiveness, jealousy and burning irritation will continue to haunt you. And getting better, you just stop being afraid that your loved one will turn his attention to someone less worthy than you. There is also a method No. 2 to combat the unbearable, exhausting soul of jealousy. Since it is impossible to take a frying pan heavier and using a direct blow to throw out your aggression on an opponent, then try a more prudent method. Why, instead of screaming at her husband, graze him after work and convulsively check the contents of his pockets, do not imagine a mentally bloody massacre of the object of his true irritation? In your imagination, you can scandal as much as you want with your opponent, denounce it in all mortal sins and even pull out one by one all of her skinny hair. In reality, it will not bring any harm to anyone, but your jealousy and unreasonable aggression will be suppressed at the root, and you will cease to destroy your own happiness with your own hands. Of course, both these methods do not guarantee 100% of getting rid of jealousy. However, you must agree, it's worth a try. As they say, in war and in love, all means are good. It is possible that the level of your aggression will subside and you will finally live a happy, calm family life. Because jealousy - not just a sense of ownership in relation to a partner, but also inability to correctly place the emphasis in trying to rid themselves of rivals. Once your love for a partner becomes stronger than the fear of losing it, all your jealousy and impartial actions associated with it will stop torturing you both. We advise you to read: