Self-esteem affects absolutely everything andhuman actions. You can not even guess at this, but over and over again fail with it. Usually the basis for a variety of problems is the most banal understated self-esteem. How to define it? What are the reasons for this personality trait? And what to do with it?
The source of all ills
Like all other components of personality, self-esteemdoes not arise from nowhere. It is formed on the basis of childhood memories, relationships with people, personal experience and character traits. All these things together constitute our perception of ourselves - "I'm good" or "I'm bad." And if a person in one sphere is doing well, and in another, problems, this can impose his own imprint on his life. Most of the problems are known to come from childhood. A person grows and develops due to the fact that he "freely" absorbs all the information that parents and the environment give him. Similarly, a self-relationship is formed: a small child still does not know how to evaluate his behavior, and his self-perception is based on suggestions from the nearest environment, as well as on their reactions. That is why, if parents constantly abuse the child, he gets used to the feeling of worthlessness. It is clear that the father and mother always wish good to their child. And in some cases, these wishes are transformed into a system of high demands on the child. He should behave well, get one of the five, be clean and neat - on the one hand, these things sound quite normal, and, on the other hand, can cause the child to have a feeling of hyperopia, which subsequently leads to a feeling of emotional stiffness. If he does not manage to meet these requirements, then he feels like a failure. But even if it turns out, the child develops a stereotype that he is good only when he listens to his parents, and in all other cases he is bad. Often the cause of low self-esteem are any defects in appearance or disease. The child in this case does not feel like everything, and the environment confirms his conjecture. Especially hard if peers constantly laugh at him, because then on the shoulders of parents lies the difficult task of finding and providing for the child such a resource, on which he will see his own dignity and uniqueness. Not necessarily the roots of low self-esteem lie in a deep childhood. Sometimes there is enough one serious professional failure or traumatic relationship. Usually it happens in those cases when a negative event is attributed excessive importance. A person begins to engage in self-flagellation instead of thinking how to fix the situation. Naturally, this leads to a loss of self-esteem, as a result of which a person ceases to be successful on all fronts, which causes an even greater decline in self-esteem. In some cases, the role of the traumatic factor is assumed by any person of significant importance to you, for example, a husband or a boss. If for a long time he will only do what to criticize you and emphasize your shortcomings, then it's no wonder that sooner or later you will agree with him. Some unique people even manage to give a negative assessment of your anticipated future actions. That's why you should not take on faith everything that is said about you: consider constructive criticism, but from the rest of the negative, just close. Among people who consider themselves losers, the mechanism of comparison is very popular. Watching the success of those who have achieved more in life, you can motivate yourself to achieve new goals. However, in some people this mechanism becomes excessive, and the opposite effect turns out: instead of being inspired, a person begins to feel worthless and stops taking up any new beginnings. Remember that there is always someone who does something better than you, but that does not mean that you are bad. Just need to take a closer look at it and think about what is so special about it and whether it suits you personally. And, of course, it is worthwhile to set for ourselves adequate situations and realistic goals, as the constant disappointment in ourselves has not inspired anyone.
Signs of low self-esteem
- Lack of respect from others around youof people. So the world is arranged that the person with whom you communicate, intuitively feels and perceives you in accordance with your self-relationship. And if you love yourself and respect, then he will do the same - as in the opposite case. In addition, a person with a low self-esteem is inclined to choose to communicate with such partners, who will confirm his opinion. It turns out a vicious circle, to pull yourself out of which only you can.
- Propensity to self-flagellation. This is both the reason and the consequence of a low self-esteem. The habit of complaining about life, bad circumstances, own helplessness - this is what people who are insecure about themselves are doing around the clock. The constant feeling of self-pity and the position of the victim indicate the unwillingness to take responsibility for one's own life, because it is much easier to dump it on the environment.
- Constant nervousness and anxiety. Unsure of a girl is very difficult to go through life: it seems to her that there are dangers and everyday troubles everywhere. This is very exhausting, and the person's hands drop even more.
- Suspicion towards others. A person with a low self-esteem is inclined to blame not only himself, but all those around him. He is full of claims to the whole world, because he carries his own negative perception outside.
- Constant thoughts about how unhappy you are,unlucky, ugly, sick, etc. In yourself, you do not like everything, from the shape of the eyebrows to the literary tastes. At the same time subconsciously, you do not seek to hide your shortcomings, but, on the contrary, emphasize them - a strange manner of dressing or silly statements, for example.
- Loneliness and the absence of close friends. Because of the above features, a girl with a low self-esteem becomes impossible to establish a close trust relationship. She hurls from depression and despondency to periodic attempts to become someone else by wearing a false mask. Naturally, this is no use to it, and as a result, such a girl becomes more and more angry with the whole world.
How to increase self-esteem?
All that we wrote above does not mean the endlight - you can still fix the current situation. Thinking over the question of how to raise a woman's self-esteem, one should not forget that magic wands do not exist. So the efforts that you have to take must be regular and sincere. First and foremost, stop blaming and blaming yourself, because that's how your mind is constantly programmed for negative self-perception. At first, it will be difficult to fulfill this requirement, and you probably will just have to stop your own flow of thoughts at these moments and switch to something else. Another step in the right direction will be searching for alternative reasons for your failures. If you used to accuse yourself of all the misadventures, then it's time to stop it! Every time something bad happens and it seems to you that the cause of this is in your shortcomings, try to find alternative explanations. For example, the head criticized your report. You can, of course, endlessly "chew" the thought of how unsuccessful you are, and you can look for other explanations: you wrote a report with "one left foot", since there was no time (this is different from banal self-flagellation - here you acknowledge your responsibility and try to correct the mistake), the boss has a bad mood, etc. ... At first, it may not be easy for you to perform this exercise, but soon it will become a habit, and your brain will automatically start thinking in a constructive way. It is also necessary to stop comparing yourself with other people - at least for a while. In the world there will always be those who are smarter, more beautiful, stronger and better than you by any other parameters. This does not mean that you should accept this - rather, stop being upset about this. By comparison, it takes too much time and spiritual strength, which is best devoted to self-improvement. And when someone compliments you, just say "thank you" instead of "nothing special". Thus, you will stop internally underestimate your dignity and agree with them. Very well with the given task cope affirmations - positive statements aimed at increasing self-confidence. They are actively used by people for self-improvement in various spheres of life: femininity, health, success, achievement of goals, etc. ... Say affirmations every day several times. In order to strengthen the effect, write out the most important statements on small leaves and paste them around the house. Every time your eyes fall on them, you will more and more believe in yourself. Write a list of your personal achievements. It does not have to be global and serious affairs - include in it everything that you personally think is important and brings joy and self-satisfaction. For example, a cross-stitched picture or a regular visit to the gym. Review this list regularly. It is best to do this with your eyes closed, enlivening the memory of your achievements. The same goes for the list of your positive qualities, which should consist of at least twenty lines. You will be surprised at how wonderful you are! Try to reduce communication with people who constantly criticize you. Instead, meet with positive and self-confident personalities who will charge you with their own life force. It's amazing how easy and pleasant it is to live surrounded by people who support you and do not eat your energy. In conclusion, I want to say that to increase self-esteem, a girl needs to be in her place and do what she really likes. In this case, behind your back seem to grow invisible and light wings, which help you to be active and joyful. As your self-esteem rises, you will forget about your failures and gain peace of mind. And your whole life will be confirmed by the fact that you are a bright and unique person. We advise you to read: