how to get rid of dependence on men To achieve harmony in personal life everyone dreams. How is it great when you have a loved one who shares all your joys and sorrows! Unfortunately, there are situations when under the guise of love there is a psychological dependence on a man. And then you will fall into a vicious circle, from which it is very difficult to get out. Like any other, love dependence sucks from the person all the energy, giving in return the illusion of happiness for a short time. How to deal with this?

Symptoms of love dependence

It is very important to separate the two concepts - love andaddiction. In general, the state of love by psychiatrists is described as pathological: euphoria, obsessive thoughts and actions, the inability to think about anything other than the object of feelings. About love written a lot of songs in which all this is reflected. However, where is the fine line between the norm and pathology? We have compiled a list of symptoms that will help you "diagnose" your relationship.

  • The importance of other spheres of life falls sharply. This is inherent in any dependence: a person gets used to receive positive energy from one source, accordingly, interest in other things disappears. Just like a drug addict, pathologically dependent on a man, a woman does not pay attention to anything other than her relationship. As it is sung in one famous song, "on you a white light came together with a wedge".
  • Increased aggressiveness. If someone even hints that your beloved does not suit you, you are ready to wipe it out. No sound arguments work, breaking against the wall of fanatical devotion. "You all do not understand anything! We are created for each other "- this idea is spinning in your head, and it is impossible for others to do anything with it.
  • Panic at the thought of a break. Loneliness frightens you even more than pain in a relationship. You, of course, may not be very good together, but it is generally unbearable to exist separately. Parting for you is tantamount to the end of the world, and that's why you are so clinging to your strange relationship.
  • Constant pain and suffering. They go hand in hand with your special love. At the same time, every time you invent unimaginable excuses for your man's actions. He never calls you first because he does not have time. He does not spare you because he is too manly for this. And communication with other women is a consequence of his strength and independence. And do not care that love should bring joy.
  • The desire to be together always. In psychotherapy, this is called pathological fusion. The thought of separation for five minutes can bring you suffering. At the same time, the feelings experienced by you are ambiguous: on the one hand, you are afraid that the partner will "swallow you up," on the other, there is a fear that he will completely disappear from your life. Simultaneously, you experience sadness because of a lack of a deep connection between you and the desire to "stick" to it.
  • Feeling of losing yourself. In dependent relationships you do not - you completely dissolve in another person. There is a sense of the abyss that can "suck" you. As a result, you do everything for this man, which can bring him joy, often forgetting about himself, his tastes and preferences.
  • Burning jealousy. Because psychological dependence on a man is an example of pathological relationships, you constantly have a feeling that the partner is not supposed to be with you. And since there is no sense of unity and intimacy, then at any moment he can respond to the call of another woman. To this is added a sense of inferiority, lack of self - and voila! You begin to be jealous of the partner to each lamp post.
  • Mood swings. After the call of the man you can feel the bliss and the burst of energy, which instantly pass, it is worth it to do something wrong. It takes only half an hour to escape from the state of confluence - and you fall into a deep depression. All this is accompanied by a bunch of fears, feelings of guilt for their behavior and anger at all in a row. Emotional swings one to one as chemical addicts.
  • A lot of life problems. Do you know what is the main criterion of pathology in psychiatry? Adaptation. If with your personal characteristics you manage to live normally and solve problems, then this is a kind of norm. But if you are all derailed, then it's time to think about it. The relationship, because of which the girlfriend turns away from you, the boss threatens to be fired, and my mother swallows valerian handfuls, are unhealthy, - and this is understandable to anyone who looks at the situation with a sober look.

Euphoria, peculiar to love, passesapproximately nine months later. Therefore, if some symptoms are observed at the very beginning of a relationship, it does not mean anything. But in the case when you are suffering for a long time from your feelings, it is worthwhile to sound the alarm.

The model of the behavior of a woman choosing dependent relationships

Above we talked about the main signs of lovedependencies. Now it is time to highlight the model of behavior of a woman who often finds herself in a similar situation. It is very specific. And since the first step to solving the problem is her awareness, we suggest that you analyze the model of your behavior in a love relationship. So, how does a woman who is inclined to dependence on a man behave? First, she falls in love easily and quickly. This happens for a number of reasons. If a man looks and behaves attractively, then she easily ignores any signals about his shortcomings. There is a psychological stuck on the positive aspects, which is also not always good. In addition, the first impression for her is always more important than anything else, and if it was pleasant, then it is useless to argue with it. In general, the sphere of love is very painful for her. Such a woman has a fear of never finding a loved one. This is due to the excessive value that it gives to love and relationships. Yes, of course, we can say that the Earth is spinning on this power, but love is not so flat and homogeneous! On the contrary, it is multifaceted and manifests itself not only in relation to men. But a woman before this does not care - in her imagination there are always romantic fantasies. And even if she does not have anyone now, she always hopes to meet a former partner who falls in love with her without memory, or a new and all-around ideal. Because of such fantasies, it is very difficult for her to concentrate on anything other than the topic of relations between the sexes. As we have already said, such a woman falls in love very easily, and it is not easy for her to let go of the person with whom she has got in touch. In addition, in the role of partners for some reason are those with whom it can not have a relationship for objective reasons. For example, this man is married or is a complete bastard. But the woman is ready to continue to deal with him in case of abusive behavior towards her. But even if it is not, she is afraid to lose a partner and literally "strangles" him with her love: she constantly calls, writes, seeks to guess and satisfy absolutely all the partner's desires. Naturally, there are different options for the development of events. Normal men from such circumstances tend to simply get rid of, because they are afraid of excessive importunity. And all sorts of scoundrels begin to use this, turning a woman practically into a bedding for her feet. All these reactions are united by one fact: the guys cease to respect such girls. It is not uncommon for a woman to practically pursue a man. That's why, falling into depression after parting, she thinks that she loved the only one in this relationship. This happens inevitably, because sooner or later even the most complete bastard gets bored. And then a vicious circle begins. Having survived the desire to die after the break, she begins to feel an inner emptiness. And the new partner is sought very hastily only to get rid of it. After all, otherwise, alone, such a woman feels incomplete in comparison with people who are in a relationship. psychological dependence on men

Why is this happening?

Dependent on relationships, people withdistorted personality structure. Its development is facilitated by a variety of life vicissitudes, which are excessive for a person. As a result of a collision with similar difficulties, it allegedly "breaks", and a similar problem arises. What can be its basis?

  • Distorted relationship with the girl's father. Dad is the first man in her life. Relations with him serve as a prototype of all novels with men in the future. Accordingly, if the father constantly criticized the girl and did not express her care and love, she will live with a constant desire to deserve them. And since this is often impossible to do with the pope, she will transfer her problems to men and look for those who fit into her scenario. It is logical that she will extol the man on a pedestal and try to achieve his love.
  • Cold mother. What is most important for the child? The love of his mother. Unfortunately, very often women give birth to children on immature grounds and, faced with real difficulties, begin to feel indifference to them, and sometimes even anger. And since the world outlook and self-perception of the baby depends entirely on the relationship of the mother to him, he will grow up with a subconscious experience of his own defectiveness. The need for love for him will become unsatisfactory, since the time necessary for this has passed. As a result, an excessively low self-esteem is formed, and a person becomes dependent on a romantic relationship.
  • Negative family scenario. Problems happen in all families without exception, and, of course, this imposes a certain imprint on the construction of a love relationship in the future. However, there are extreme variants that maim the child's psyche very severely. For example, when one parent has an alcohol or drug addiction. In this case, the child for life assimilates such a scenario of behavior in relationships, when everything depends on the partner's condition, and a complete adjustment for his life takes place. Do you recognize the future love addiction? By the way, contrary to popular belief, divorce is also a psycho-traumatic situation, but its harm can be completely compensated.
  • Difficulties in establishing personal boundaries. For about three years the child begins to distinguish his self from the outside world. This is a very important stage in the formation of personality boundaries, but further things can go much worse. For example, if he is not allowed to lock himself in his or her bathroom. Or he can not have personal toys, because he is always told that all things are common, and they need to be shared. In all these and other cases, the child becomes accustomed to the fact that he does not have the boundaries of the personal space and loses the ability to feel them. Accordingly, in the future such a person will be inclined to "dissolve" in a partner.
  • Lack of ability to realistically assesssurrounding. Most often, this occurs when a child tries to express his feelings for peace, and parents or other important adults say that this is all nonsense. Especially when it comes to evaluating the actions of other people, usually older ones. The child gets used to the fact that he is constantly wrong, and this ability is erased over time. The problem can have a wider field when it comes to feelings. If a person is constantly told that he feels wrong, he will soon stop distinguishing his emotions, and he will need to "merge" with another in order that he at least somehow "reflected" it.
  • "Polar" character. It is very easy to fall into love dependence, if you are very categorical. For such a person there are no "gray" tones - he divides the world exclusively into "black" and "white". Everything is the same in the sphere of human feelings - either I hate or I love. By the way, if we talk about the latter, then such a person does not have a gradation of love: from the very beginning he feels a wild euphoria and craving for the object of his romantic feelings. For example, a woman after the first date begins to dream of a wedding and with wild jealousy look at all passing by a man of girls.
  • Psychotraumatic event. Especially often for love dependence on a man, those women who have ever suffered from violence tend. First, they do not feel the boundaries of their bodies, because once they were very roughly violated. Secondly, they have dual feelings towards men: on the one hand, they perceive them as enemies that bring pain and suffering, and, on the other hand, see in them defenders who are the only ones able to protect themselves from problems. The same, but with less intensity, concerns heavy ruptures, deaths and other severe stresses - a woman can very much be afraid of losing her partner and from this fear "digs" into him like mites.
  • how to get rid of addiction to a man

    Escape from the vicious circle of dependence

    In order to get rid of love addiction,it is necessary to realize the fact of its presence. Yes, yes, you are now in a relationship that does not really bring you happiness, but only draws life energy. It is for this purpose that we have given above a list of signs of dependence on a man. Simply put, if most of the time you feel unhappy is a signal that you need to get rid of these relationships. It's possible that your doubts have sprung up in your mind: "What if it's just a difficult period and I'm going to give up the person that fate has prepared for me?" The simplest thing you can do is ask the opinion of your friends. Only this should be those people who you really care about and who do not envy you at all. If they yell with one voice: "Well, finally! We told you that he is a pig! "And while they are not muzhenenavistnitsami - it's an alarm bell. But the decision is still to receive you. To make this easier, make a diary of the novel in which you can record everything that happens to you in relationships: events, actions and especially feelings. It is very important to write sincerely and not to deceive yourself: if it became sad and offensive at the moment when it was supposed to be joyful - so write. And vice versa. All this will help you, first, to objectively see how you feel next to a particular man, and, secondly, you can later analyze whether your novels are always built according to the same scenario. As we have already mentioned, a woman who is in love with a man has a focus on attention. Simply put, she thinks only of him, in particular, constantly looking for answers to such questions:

    • What does he mean when he says this?
    • What is more important to him?
    • What did he really feel when this happened?
    • Did he love any woman before me (instead of me after me)?
    • What will he say if I do it?
    • What will it feel if I say this?
    • And others…

    Be sure to fix all similar questions,concerning your loved one, in your diary (or even a separate notebook). On the other side of the sheet, write down the answers found on them, and if they completely satisfy you, cross out the question from the list. Others leave and fix new ones. Mark repetitive. Continue to do this for at least a week, until you get tired. It is not known what will turn out specifically for you, but more often than not women are confronted with the realization of their complete obsession. The questions do not disappear anywhere after finding the answers, but their number is growing steadily, subsequently hitting the imagination. And you need to do this until you automatically start to anticipate the appearance of such thoughts in your head, and you will not get tired of looking for meaning and answers in all this. On the basis of the data obtained, make up a portrait of a typical man who makes you fall into a love affair. It is likely that you will find many common psychological features in all these subjects. Surely there will be pronounced masculinity, aggressiveness, stiffness or excessive softness, deceit and other remarkable features. At the same time it will be clear what exactly provokes dependent behavior in you. To increase awareness of the problem of love addiction, think about how much in life you missed because of unsuccessful love relationships. Surely you have repeatedly listened to the remarks in your address from the authorities because of the fact that you did not do the right part of the work in time. Girlfriends often took offense for the fact that you canceled the meeting with them for the sake of another boyfriend. You did not go to study in America, because your partner was very against this step. And there were many such events - this is if you do not talk about a bunch of nerves, resources and time spent on unsuccessful men. In order to get rid of love dependence, it is very important to restore the ability to realize the boundaries of your body. Very useful in this regard are all kinds of bodily and respiratory practices. You need to feel where the border between you and the world is passing, and the key to this lies in the sensations. Try an autogenic training, which, coupled with increased sensitivity, will help you gain more self-confidence. We hope that with awareness on this point of the way you have no problems. Accordingly, you need to get rid of all the emotional garbage that you drag along. First of all, these are all unreacted emotions. There is a great chance that you have problems with their expression, especially when it comes to any intense feelings. Try to remember all those people to whom you once did not say something. It's time to do it. If you have the strength and opportunity, it's better to talk to them "live": with personal meetings, by phone or in correspondence. But, unfortunately, this is not always possible. An alternative option is to write emotional letters to all these people, in which you will finally live all those tense moments that have been hanging "in the background" for a long time. Most importantly - do not be shy and be honest in showing your feelings. Do not be afraid to dive into past grievances and experiences - only this way you can get rid of them, otherwise they will hang dead weight in your soul. It is also very important to learn to delineate the boundaries of psychological space. To do this, you need to get rid of unnecessary people in your life and all those who bring you grief. For example, you for some reason maintain a relationship with a friend, communication with which brings nothing but frustration and envy. This is delaying your positive energy, as a result of which your own discomfort ceases to be realized. But it is he who signals the violation of borders. The same goes for your opinions, opinions and points of view on various phenomena. It is important for you to feel your inner core, which will be based on your own tastes and preferences. You can not escape from awareness of your own needs. If you have long been accustomed to completely dissolve in a relationship, then it's time to stop it. In the rhythm of the life of modern society, we have long ago ceased to listen to ourselves and our body: we must get up early, spend a lot of time in traffic jams, work hard, snack on the go, sleep a little, etc. ... All this has to be done through strength, and gradually the body ceases to give us signals about our needs. But with this it is necessary to fight, because when we do not hear ourselves, problems begin. For example, bodily diseases or psychological dependence on a man. In general, I want to say that people get rid of dependent relationships, first of all, realizing their hopelessness. Unfortunately, it will be very difficult for you to cope without professional psychological help, as the study of children's problems, for example - is a very difficult matter. It is necessary to remember and understand where the "legs" of your addiction grow, what unpleasant events lie at its base. After this, deploy and address to the parents those messages, because of which you are suffering now. Every time there is a desire to "merge" with someone, remember what it is about. And yet it is better to do this under the supervision of a professional. Although you are available and another way - just do not allow yourself to approach "not those" men.

    Useful psychological exercises

    Above we tried to describe a general strategygetting rid of love addiction. But you need specific exercises, which you can perform with a certain regularity. First of all, we recommend that you do the following things:

    • Getting rid of negative irrational attitudes. Ask yourself, how often do you fight anger with your partner? And why are you doing this? If you overcome psychological defenses and get to the truth, then there will be something like "you can not get irritated with your loved ones." This is an irrational setting. Consider it from all sides: why not? What happens if you get angry after all? Try to make an explanation in a form understandable to a four-year-old. Repeat it to yourself and say, do you believe him? Probably not. Now think about whether it is possible to always comply with this installation. Modify it in a way that you would be comfortable living with, and repeat it to yourself more often.
    • Visualization of the "right" man. Draw yourself an image of someone whom you really want to see next: his appearance, character traits, habits, manner of behavior and all other details. After that, every evening for a month, stay for twenty minutes alone in the room and introduce it. But not just one, but next to you: how do you walk together, kiss, dance, supper - all the things that couples do. And try to do it in all its details. You can even make a collage on this topic - it will enhance the effect.
    • Search yourself. Since you very often "dissolve" in others, you need to find yourself. To do this, think about things that you really like. Favorite bands, films, books, countries, classes, dishes - only those that you really enjoy, not imposed by society or someone important. Ask yourself about each phenomenon that occurs on your way: "Do I like it?". Do not for yourself the option "I do not care" - on the contrary, each time try to make this or that choice.
    • Awareness of their needs. First, close your eyes at least once an hour and ask yourself what I want right now. Then try to find in the surrounding world a way to meet your need. For example, sitting at work at two o'clock in the afternoon, you wanted to sleep. But this, of course, is unrealizable. But to close your eyes and take a nap for five minutes on the working chair is quite possible. When you want something to eat, try to listen to yourself, to find out what exactly you want right now. And so in everything, especially in relations with men.

    Getting rid of love dependence is not easy, but real. Like all the real things in life, it's worth the effort. But the result will surpass all your expectations. Success in love!

    Comments

    comments