Just recently, the family was in peace and harmony. And suddenly the cloudless sky frowned, darkened, and, in the end, a whole series of quarrels broke out, which already lacks any strength to interrupt. What happened? Why is every little thing annoying, more and more tuning the spouses against each other? And now the very serious prospect of a divorce looms ahead. We should stop, otherwise the tragedy is inevitable. But as? How to save the family, if neither the husband nor the wife is willing to give in, while completely unaware of what is happening to them? Let's figure out the possible reasons for this situation and try to find a way out of such a difficult situation. The problems associated with regular conflicts in families due to insignificant reasons are quite common. The difficulty of successfully resolving them is that, starting to scandalize over trifles, we can climb into such jungles, from which it is very difficult to get out. And then the divorce already seems inevitable, despite the fact that behind the back of a fairly happy marriage. And under the roof of the house from the endless scandals of the pope and his mother, innocent children suffer. Constant quarrels in the family, of course, depress both spouses. And now the husband, desperate to find inner peace, begins to look for an outlet in drunkenness or in the love of another woman, and a frightened wife rushes to fortune tellers, so that they advise a conspiracy from incessant strife. Both of them are confused: they do not want to lose their family, but they can not continue like this. Of course, scandals because of small things can have many reasons. However, most often the cause of the violation of stability in the family is the crisis of marriage, which, according to psychologists and family psychotherapists, comes at certain intervals after the conclusion of the official union. It can also be related to the age of the husband and wife, contributing to the reassessment of plans for the future, and with the appearance of children in the family, the stages of their growing up or leaving the family. Some experts draw an analogy between conflict stages in marriage and crises of human growth. Let's consider these aspects of the relationship in more detail. 
The crisis of the first year of family life
Initially, constant quarrels in the family arise,as a rule, six months after the wedding. This applies to those couples who, prior to the conclusion of a legitimate marriage, had experience in the marriage of the so-called civil, and those who had not lived together before. The emotional rise of the first months of family life subsides, romance is replaced by monotonous everyday life with a lot of domestic problems. The irritating habits of the second half manifest themselves more clearly, and each of the spouses begins to introduce more actively their own norms of behavior in the family. These rules are often aimed at the foundations of the parent family, which are usually also different. The result - constant scandals, which, in the end, often contribute to divorce. Is it possible to keep the family in this difficult situation for many pairs? In the first year of living together, young spouses should remember that any attempts to impose their own views on life on others always fail. And other people's rules, even if they are the rules of your mom and dad, remind you of clothes from the neighbor's shoulder: it seems to cover the nakedness, but it is uncomfortable in it and uncomfortable. Therefore quarrels due to the fact that "my mom (dad) does, and you do not", the grounds do not have. Our parents also once created their own different from other family comfort by trial and error. And the process of the formation of their marriage probably proceeded not without contradictions, misunderstandings and conflicts. In order to find the answer to the question of how to overcome the family crisis at this stage, you need to listen to yourself and understand that love has not gone away. She only changed, turning from love-passion into a more calm and stable love-friendship. And this state implies respect and the desire for mutual understanding. Any quarrel can be avoided if we try to calmly discuss the emerging conflict. This will help to normalize the situation and find their own rules of coexistence in the family. Avoid stereotypes and images of movie heroes. Do not expect from the spouse that he will react to some situation exactly as it was in the recently seen film. Yes, and the youngest wife does not need to copy the image of a super-woman, trying to catch everything and everywhere. Such a race will exhaust you, and on the offended "I'm torn between two works and the house!" You can hear the following: "Honey, I could have had dinner with yesterday's soup, so there was no need to invent lasagna!" Be simpler, do not hide your weaknesses, but and do not judge them for your husband. Another enemy of relations in the first year of marriage is selfishness. Yes, the inability to yield, the attempts to insist on one's own, the opposition of personal interests to the wishes of another spouse is the reality that most young families face. The magnificent wedding was over, the honeymoon ended and the usual life came. This is where the main conflicts begin, because under one roof, in fact, there are two completely different people, one of whom likes to hang out at the weekend, and the other can not wait to go for a walk, clean the apartment, visit friends. Egoism is also manifested in the fact that competition between young husband and wife occurs. All kinds of poddevki, ridicule, offensive statements in the presence of common friends - all this can often be observed in the first years of marriage. If the newlyweds do not know how to cope with their own emotions and control irritated externals, joint life quickly becomes a heavy burden for them. The eternal "Why should I (should)?" Is increasingly heard from the lips of the spouses. But this question is not related to the unwillingness to take responsibility for anything. Most likely, this is how stress manifests itself from the changed conditions of life, both morally and materially. Lack of freedom, the need to adapt to the needs and desires of another cause internal protest. The phenomenon is temporary, and to cope with it, it is necessary to "step on your throat" to your own selfishness, not to sharpen conflicts, to understand that there is only a grinding of the characters, and not farewell to love. Patience, kindness and the desire to save the family - that's what should guide the couple in such a difficult period. The young husband at the dawn of marriage should learn one very important rule: the position of the strong is not to gain unlimited power over the wife, but to she herself to recognize the superiority of the man. And who is shouting louder in this case - does not matter. The support given to the wife, the solution of difficult situations, responsibility for the family - this is what helps to establish relationships in which male dominance looks quite natural. But a woman should not be seen in her husband as just a means to achieve any benefits. This position is always losing, because sooner or later a person will get tired only to give, without receiving anything in return. The absence of fear of responsibility for the family, the desire not only to receive, but also to gladly give oneself and your feelings, is the only possible answer to the question of how to preserve love in the family in the first year of its existence. 
Family crisis of three to five years
The crisis of three years usually occurs after birthchild or begins in the first years of his life. Indeed, the appearance of the first-born for both spouses is a strong stress. The joy associated with it is replaced by constant increased fatigue from sleepless nights because of the need to care for the baby. In addition, usually the wife unconsciously begins to pay almost all of her attention to the child, which is extremely annoying to her superfluous husband. Quarrels in the family in this case often occur due to the fact that he is trying to improve the situation and make his contribution to the process of raising a baby. Between spouses there are always disputes about how to feed it, dress it, how often to take it on hands and so on. Often there is another picture. A woman deliberately transfers all her affection and tenderness to a child simply because from a beloved man she does not receive these feelings in relation to herself. There is no habit of kissing before leaving and after returning from work, the husband does not bring coffee to bed, does not indulge in breakfast on weekends, once again does not ask about health and so on. But not all wives know that such behavior is inherent in nature in male males, and is not a personal manifestation on their part of callousness. Most members of the stronger sex in principle are alien to sentiment. The brighter and more actively expressed in your chosen one is the man's beginning, the more restrained he will be in the manifestation of feelings. Therefore, you should not punish your spouse, depriving him of tenderness intentionally. Remember that we women are a source of warmth, love and, in general, the whole emotional component of marriage. Do not try to take revenge, do not close your husband, completely leaving in cares for the baby. So you only embitter the spouse and encourage you to search for pleasures on the side. Instead, teach him the reciprocal manifestations of love in the family. Before leaving for work, leave the room with the child in your arms, if you have already woken up, and wish on behalf of both a good day to your dad, say that you will be bored and wait for his soon return. Encourage any manifestation of the spouse's desire to be with the child, attract him to swimming together and evening walks. But do it gently, tactfully and in a timely manner, because if you make a man tired of a busy day a man walk for two hours with a stroller, then it's not difficult to guess how this can end. Therefore, know the measure and respect the desire of the spouse to rest. Do not repeat one very common mistake when a young mother retires with a baby in one room, and sends her husband to the so-called link to the sofa in the living room, explaining this by saying that he needs to get enough sleep. Yes, of course, rest is necessary, but it is equally important to comprehend the science of how to become a caring dad, and this is impossible without the hassle and sleepless nights. Do not be afraid to leave your husband and child together for a while, after telling your loved one where everything is. Your absence will bring them closer, and will also allow the spouse to estimate the full extent of the hardships and difficulties that the wife has suffered. The period associated with the appearance in the family of a toddler, uneasy, he can alienate the husband and wife from each other for a long time. In order to survive it with the least loss and keep the family, you need to remember that increased irritability is due to fatigue. A debate about the methods of education of the baby arise because of mutual love for him. Therefore, try to show flexibility and endurance. So you will find the optimal variant of the relationship, having worked out acceptable for both the child's upbringing line. These same reasons usually explain the family crisis of five years of marriage. But in the case with him, we also connect the instinct inherent in us from the time of the primitive man. Then the unions between the man and the woman were concluded temporarily and only to give the tribe a posterity. And when the child was three or four years old, not only his father and mother, but others around him, could take care of him. Therefore, a man with a clear conscience went to seek love from a new woman. The evolution of human consciousness that has occurred since those times has undoubtedly left a certain imprint on the behavior of the father and husband in the family. But primitive instincts sometimes make themselves felt, provoking crisis phenomena in the fifth year of the existence of marriage. It is possible to smooth them if from infancy to develop an indestructible bond between the mother, the child and the father, which is formed by mutual care, division of duties, joint leisure activities and so on. In other words, it is necessary not only to understand at the material level the measure of responsibility for the family, but also to learn a special attitude towards children and each other, based on love and the feeling of a home. This is the only way to overcome the misunderstandings that arise in the third and fifth year of marriage, and by personal example answer the question of how to preserve love in the family after this period. But the seven-year crisis and all subsequent ones turn out to be much more complicated than the previous two.
Crisis phenomena of any mature marriage
Seven years of the conjugal union is a kind ofthe teenage age of the family, when the husband and wife begin to account for their achievements. They compare their own situation with the status of their peers and often do not very pleasant conclusions for themselves. They are the reason for constant quarrels in the family. Spouses consider the fault of their defeats to be the wrong choice of a partner in life and recall all the grievances accumulated during the life of a joint life. In reality, however, the family crisis of seven years is rather an age-related one, so the other half has something to do with it, but not directly. Self-discovery in this case is a very negative factor. Each of us can find a lot of erroneous actions in their actions. This is normal - no one does without defeats. In general, the crisis that occurs in the seventh year of marriage represents a psychological detente necessary for the stresses accumulated during all this time. It is expressed in increased resentment and irritability, because of which there are constant scandals in the family. This is a very difficult period of married life, because it accounts for the majority of divorces. In addition, in most cases even the seeming calmness and well-being of a seven-year-old and other, more mature, marriage is just a facade behind which lies the commonness and monotony. Children, work, home and rare entertainment in the circle of long acquaintances - all this gradually leads to an understanding that the intoxicating feeling of flight, which is inherent in lovers, will not be able to experience in the current realities, and the notorious habit has replaced the burning passion. And all life seems to be soberly predictable and therefore boring. When you look in the mirror, both the husband and the wife note fatigue in the eye, noticeable wrinkles and slightly altered body shapes. Agree, all this does not contribute to positive thoughts. Between spouses there are no conversations about feelings for a long time, their communication is reduced to that it is necessary to buy from products or clothes where to send children for the summer, what school or kindergarten to choose and so on. In other words, personal intimate topics have passed into the category of forbidden, the husband and wife live seemingly and together, but each in itself. It is not uncommon for a spouse to try to be at home as rarely as possible, but he is displeased with the discontent of the other half and claims that he spends little time on children. But in fact, we women, we mean something else. In such a veiled form, we make it clear that male attention is not enough not for the child, but for ourselves. And the more such niggles and mysteries, the more difficult it is to save the family. In order for the crisis of this and later period to pass easier and not lead to a divorce, it is of great importance that there is interaction between the spouses. After all, it often happens that the wife initially distrustful of the attempts of the husband to cope with the upbringing of the common child, suppresses his desire to help with the household and so on. As a result, it turns out that the views of the spouses on most aspects of family life have remained isolated. And this is quite dangerous, because it leads to their distance from each other's interests. So what if you express discontent if your husband instead of going on a picnic with you and the children silently goes fishing? Understand, he just does not feel whole with his family. First of all, first set an example by frankly voicing your own desires. But only without tears, hysterics and scandals. To talk better alone, at a romantic dinner and in a very friendly manner. Do not hesitate to touch the existing problems with a lack of attention to each other. Suggest for the beginning one day off per month to spend together the whole family, the second - to devote exclusively to each other, and the remaining to dispose of at their own discretion. Remember that the presence of dialogue, a clear recognition of the existing difficulties will facilitate the search for ways out of the crisis and will help to save the family. Some spouses prefer to leave this time to think about how to live on their own. If the relationship with the second half was built from the very beginning on a deep feeling, the time spent apart will make you miss and understand that love has not disappeared, but only a little "dusted" from time and needs to be updated. A romantic trip on vacation, a change of hairstyle, a new joint passion will bring fresh notes to your life and paint it again in bright colors. Much more difficult, if in the first years of marriage a strong foundation for relations could not be built. In this case, the prospect of divorce is perceived as an opportunity to get rid of bored bonds and try to start all over again, but with another person. In this case, before you destroy the existing marriage, you need to honestly answer a few questions. Firstly, it is not always possible to remarry or marry. Are you ready for the prospect to remain a loner forever? Secondly, has your current family failed so badly, because a new marriage is also expected by virtually identical crisis phenomena, and then what? Will you again, like an ostrich, hide your head in the sand, fleeing problems with new relationships? Take a sober look at your current life, perhaps it is not so bad. If you come to the conclusion that you have something to fight for, use all attempts to establish relationships in the family. Desire, patience and willingness to change will help you avoid divorce. Of course, only the periods described, crises are not limited. From time to time, relations between spouses will go to the conflict stage, which is rather difficult to pass. How to keep the family in a situation that clearly speaks of the crisis that has come about? It is necessary to set new goals before it. A joint solution of even small tasks will help to preserve unity and realize that further life apart is inconceivable. The main thing in this period is to remember that it is inevitable and necessary, because it tests the family for strength and renews the level of feelings between the spouses. Therefore, already knowing how to maintain marital relations, call for help all your self-control and try to take care of your half. After all, a strong family is what helps us survive everything. 
Is treason always a reason for divorce?
Sometimes it happens that strongmarriage, smoothly slipped crisis phenomena, does not pass the test of betrayal of a husband or wife. And we are not talking about the fact that it was provoked by negative phenomena in marriage. It just happened. By stupidity, under the influence of overwhelmed passion, in an attempt to experience and relive the forgotten acuteness of sensations and so on. But sobering came also suddenly, like the morning after this landmark event. You are amazed to realize that you are in bed with a completely different person for you, and you quickly run into a familiar life filled with children's voices and seemingly insoluble problems. You are trying to get rid of the fact of treason, forget it, like a terrible dream, but sometimes mentally return to this day. Moreover, you try to make up for your guilt with your husband by excessive warning, with special tenderness, than you cause perplexity and questions. What to do in this case? Honestly admit and endanger the many-year-old happy union or silently experience its fall in the hope of keeping it a secret? There is no unequivocal answer to this question. But in any case, your path to light at the end of the tunnel should begin with forgiveness. Yes, yes, you must forgive yourself for your weakness, for the desire to feel a dizzying freedom, as in your youth. Do not seek excuses for your actions, but try to let him go and live on. After all, a cold shower in the form of conscience and reconsideration of internal values associated with treason is in itself already a severe punishment for every person. Psychologists recommend to perceive what happened as another life lesson, to benefit from it, and not to punish oneself by acknowledging a husband in sin. You should not hurt a person dear to you, put a risky marriage at risk and deprive children of the right to grow up in a full family because of your mistake alone. Strongly survive the first and the most difficult emotionally after the period of treason and eventually learn to properly treat it. Remember that a marriage born in love is able to withstand very much, but is it worth it to subject it to unnecessary tests, testing endlessly for endurance? Life and so on constantly gives us complex problems, it will be difficult to cope with. So learn to appreciate the person who is nearby, do not hesitate to tell him as often as possible about your feelings, ask for help if you need it, and always offer it yourself. And then the familiar phrase "in sorrow and joy" will be filled with true meaning and strength, before which all crises and adversity will fade. We advise you to read:
