Good relationship between a man and a womanare built only on mutual understanding, trust and love. The absence of at least one of these components leads to constant strife, quarrels and disagreements. Do we have to hope in such circumstances, if not for a happy, then at least a happy coexistence of two? Hardly. Especially often they are formed, if the relationship disappears confidence. Even loving each other people with its loss on at least one side can not only regularly scandal, but also part forever. How to be, if this happened? How to restore the trust of a loved one and can it be returned?
The reasons for the disappearance of the beloved's trust
Trust is a tender substance. Sometimes a person even accidentally does some rash act - and it has already evaporated. Regrettably, almost all couples face situations that cast doubt on trust. The reasons for its loss are different. Most often it is:
- the contradiction between the words and actions of man;
- failure to fulfill promises;
- excessive jealousy of one of the partners;
- discrepancy of expectations from relationships and reality;
- Unattainability of the goals that the partner sets himself.
Of course, the loss of trust leads to muchother. It happens that it does not initially exist. Anyway, what's the difference? The main thing here is the threat of parting with a loved one because he does not believe. Is there any reason for this, is not it, you still begin to experience a feeling of guilt, transforming into either submission or irritation. And all the time you are tormented by the question - how to achieve the trust of a loved one, so that the relationship will finally get better? Lost trust can cause a final gap between a man and a woman. Or maybe not, if you try to return it. To be frank, it is difficult to do, and sometimes impossible. But you have to try anyway. Of course, there is an option to retire proudly, slamming the door. Say, do not believe - and do not. And then what? Anguish, pain, despair and regret that the bridges are burnt? Not the best way out of the situation, which often has many chances to change for the better. What for this it is necessary to do?
How can I return trust
We have already said that the loss of trust of a loved onea person occurs for various reasons. And in order to return it, you need to act on the basis of the specific reason for what happened. But at the same time, always adhere to the basic rule - do not lie even in small things and think about every word and action. If a person does not believe us, he will reflexively seek confirmation of his suspicions. Such confirmation can be the most innocent acts and meaningless phrases. Therefore, to restore the trust of someone you love, you will need constant control over yourself. Before any attempts are made to restore it, one should think about whether we are ready to deserve this trust for a long time. If it has disappeared due to some kind of lie, you will have to completely abandon the deception, even in small things. I must say that all people are deceiving each other in some way. And something is hidden from others, including the closest people. Therefore, somewhere deep down we are all ready to forgive a lie, if it does not cause significant damage to internal and external well-being. But for this it is necessary that the one to whom they have ceased to trust, become extremely honest and open. The slightest untruth in such a situation can become fatal. If the trust of a loved one is lost because of the failure to fulfill promises to return it, you just need to stop encouraging in something. And try to at least partially realize what has already been promised. It happens that we undertake obligations in confidence that we will certainly fulfill them. But circumstances do not allow this. In this case, it is necessary to explain to the person why this happened. If he truly loves, he will understand. And do not understand ... So, the reciprocity of feelings is in question. Well, and if we promised something, without even thinking about the possibility of its implementation, we should say this straight to our partner. He will certainly appreciate such sincerity and will cease to suspect us of hypocrisy and pretense. There are couples in which one partner does not trust the other because of his hypertrophied jealousy. This is a serious case of mistrust, for the emergence of which and the occasion, as a rule, is not necessary. Living with such jealous people is not honey, and it's better to try to stay away from them altogether. But you can not order your heart! And if you really like to love Othello, you'll have to give up close contacts with other men, whether friends, colleagues, neighbors, acquaintances. And while telling the partner about everything that happened in his absence and constantly talk about his love for him. He should always know where and with whom we are and what we are going to do. Do not like to report everything? That's that. There is no other variant of behavior with a beloved jealous person. And finally, the most difficult case of losing trust in a loved one is treason. We'll talk about it separately.
How to restore the confidence of a loved one after treason
When you meet your loved one, the whole worldcloses on it. And I believe that this will always be so. And no one else will take the place of the one you love for a moment. However, our life is full of unforeseen twists and unexpected temptations. And one day it may happen that the temptation will provoke treason, which you sincerely regret. A man, having learned about what happened, is enraged, experiencing at the same time pain, jealousy, bitterness, disappointment. His belief in the sincerity of a woman is destroyed, and dreams of further relations with her flew into dust. How can you restore the partner's confidence, if the separation from him is like death? The experiences of men who have been betrayed are similar in strength and ungovernability to a tornado, sweeping away everything in its path. They do not want to listen to explanations, do not pay attention to tears that have changed, do not accept her requests for forgiveness and do not believe in the unrequited repentance. Relations are on the verge of collapse. How can they be saved and is it possible? In general, a stronger sex perceives and experiences change more than a weak one. The nature of women is the ability to forgive. In addition, we are all subconsciously ready for betrayal of a loved one, although in her thoughts we are not allowed. And when this happens, we tear and sword in a rage, choke with pain, weep and scream, but as a result, most often forgive and complete disruption of relations is not allowed. If, of course, we see - this stupid walker to the left really regrets what happened. Men are all much more difficult. Infidelity of women for them - not only the collapse of their own, so carefully built the world, but also the loss of confidence in their male viability. After all, if a loved one gave herself to someone else, it turns out that she is not satisfied with the intimate life! And she said that she was betrayed by her soul and body ... And then, what right had an outsider to use what does not belong to him ?! The mere thought of this leads the man into a frenzy. If he is sincerely attached to a woman. "Sincerely attached" is something that you need to rely on, trying to restore the confidence of a loved one after treason. Yes, it rages a hurricane of emotions and consciousness is stunned by jealousy. But in the very depths of the soul there is still a spark of feelings that can be turned into a bonfire. Of course, this task is very, very difficult. Her decision depends on how faithfully the woman behaves. The main thing for her is not to allow mistakes that lead to a final break or further unfavorable change in the relationship. What are these mistakes? Firstly, in no case can a man fall to his feet, begging for forgiveness and assuring that life will cease without him. Crawling on your knees and a miserable look will not only not give the desired effect - they can cause in your beloved wave of disgust. In addition, our strong halves in the majority consider such a reception as theatrical and begin to suspect a woman in duplicity. Is it worth saying that it is destructive to trust? Therefore, you need to keep yourself in hand, preserving dignity. Such behavior under any circumstances causes respect. And this is already a good help for maintaining relations. Secondly, it is inadmissible to roll up hysterics and lose one's temper. In this state, it's easy to fall for the partner's accusations of what happened. A man who is already offended - nowhere to go, instantly decides that the traitor is no longer on the road. Not only that, she betrayed, so she also believes that this is natural! Hence, ready to repeat his actions and is able at any time to stab a knife in the back. What kind of trust can there be? Therefore, trying to achieve forgiveness, it is necessary to be restrained, benevolent and delicate. It is likely that in the event there is indeed a partner's fault. But at the moment, this fact is not subject to discussion. Thirdly, one should not be forced to persuade a man to tell about treason in all its details. Of course, we need to talk about it, but without clarification and details. The detailed analysis of flights is not for such a case. It will only cause additional irritation and further exacerbate emotions. In addition, in the mind of a loved one, colorful pictures of what has happened will be created, which will then appear all the time before his eyes and, as a result, destroy the relationship. Let him better not be aware of the nuances of betrayal. It's enough to just describe it in a few words and after that you will never return to it. Fourth, you can not call for help in resolving the conflict of other people. If parents, friends, friends become the whole crowd to put pressure on a man, most likely he will simply disappear, unable to withstand the onslaught from the side. In addition, outside interference will certainly lead to loss of control over the situation. Is it not enough that they will tell their beloved, trying to reassure him, even those who in principle want only good? Well, let alone mention false friends, and should not be mentioned. Not only will they talk, but they will spread gossip all over the world. And finally, if there are joint children, do not ask a man to keep a relationship for them. Then he can quite decide that the wife is not only a frivolous bouncer, but also a cunning bitch. And saving the family for the sake of children is a slippery one. He as if immediately gives a man permission to commit treason. Say, in the house, I'll stay as a father. And in the rest, dear, do not worry ... In general, in order to restore the confidence of a loved one, it is necessary to insist that treason was a big mistake and brought nothing but disappointment. It is not necessary to demand from a man a quick understanding and forgiveness. Let time pass, he will come to his senses and be able to deal more or less judiciously with what happened. The period is long, but it must be lived through, setting a goal - to restore the trust of the one who is dear. It does not need to constantly scroll in the head of what happened, cultivating and growing a sense of guilt. It will provoke ingratiating behavior, which, except contempt, will not cause anything. It is necessary to stand with dignity, patiently deserving trust and trying to achieve mutual understanding and complete forgiveness. We advise you to read: