Divorce in our time - it's almost an ordinary thing. Just recently the spouse was nearby, with him it was possible to quarrel because of the nonsense, to argue, whose turn to wash the dishes, to discuss some problem. And now he became a stranger. In the passport there was a new, not heart-warming stamp, a fatal stamp of loneliness and longing. I want to tear, throw and howl. And what is to be done now? How to return the husband after the divorce back to the family, how to make him regret what happened? Friends advise to make some kind of love spell. They say it helps. Maybe it helps, but I just do not want to do such things. Somehow not quite honestly it turns out. Yes, and the faithful need sincerely loving, and not stupefied by the spell. So how to be?
How Divorce Works on Men
When a man periodically leaves the family, andAfter a week or two comes back, it's not so difficult to make peace with him. It is enough to call, calmly talk or cry, and if necessary, ask for forgiveness. In this case, the husband simply plays a divorce and leaves to come back. But when the divorce has really happened, everything is much more serious. There is one call you will not do. Even if now the ex-spouse is also very worried about the gap, it is not easy to persuade him to return to the family. He is officially released from such a duty, and this, one way or another, but affects the attitude of the man to himself and to the world around him. His position in this world used to be determined by marriage. And now there was freedom of choice. Is it possible not to use it? I must say that former husbands use such freedom in different ways. Someone starts to get drunk, someone with a head goes into a favorite thing, someone does nothing at all, lying in front of the TV during off hours, someone starts to sort out girlfriends. And someone also converges with another woman, trying as quickly as possible to create a new family. Whatever it was, but the husband after the divorce becomes a different person. And the methods so effective before the question of his return are now unlikely to work. Of course, when the ex-husband is not a rag. Well, spineless weaklings, we do not take into account. Those will walk on their heels and whine, begging to let in. Shish will get away. It's about men with a well-developed sense of self-worth. Many of them after the dissolution of marriage feel offended. Afflicted self-esteem does not allow to admit its wrongness, if it was the cause of divorce, and quickly forgive the former wife, if she is to blame for the break. Therefore, the persuasion and sobbing of a woman will be useless. All her attempts to provoke pity or remorse will break against the blank wall of rejection. This is a protective wall, often hiding the true experiences of men. It is unlikely that he, someone, and even more so his former half, will let them know about them. Will demonstrate the firmness of the character and determination to break with the past with all his might. So how should we act then that the husband agrees that the divorce was a mistake and willingly went to reconciliation?
How to behave to a woman in relation to her ex-husband after a divorce
First of all, after a divorce, a woman should come tomyself, waiting for the storm of emotions to abate. Rage or extreme despair - bad helpers in solving the problem. Under their action, you can do something that you can not fix forever. All our panicky calls and SMS messages with threats, reproaches, complaints will not help. Not only that, men can not stand this. They also cease to respect the lady who acts in this way. It is not necessary and to run after sympathy and support to girl-friends and common acquaintances, complaining about the faithful and telling everyone about what he is a scoundrel. Surely, the former will find out about this and is unlikely to take calmly unflattering comments about his person. Rather, it will get angrier even more. Then try to reach him! So with a roar and swearing the husband with the last words in secret. And preferably alone. Because even those chosen as vests are very close trusted people can inadvertently harm, once in the hearts of voicing where there is no need to do this. And why set them against the one with whom we want to make peace? In general, we try to calm down without help. To do this, you need to devote as much time as possible to some kind of work - work, hobbies, parenting. If we, drowning in tears, burst into four walls or, well, we will continue to pursue the former spouse, only aggravate the situation. Dulled by grief, disheveled, with a swollen face, a woman crouching at every step of the way - what could be worse? She wants to stay as far as possible. What kind of desire to return to the family then can we talk about? Therefore, we call upon all our willpower to help, take ourselves in hand and get out into people. Have children? Excellent. We go with them for a walk, to the circus, to the theater. No children - we start a dog, cat, hamster, fish, birds, in the end. If at home someone will wait, it's already good. Is there a corporate party? Great! We put ourselves in order, put on a beautiful dress, shoes on a heel and go to have fun. There are no corporate parties? We are looking for a hobby that makes us constantly communicate with someone. We register for driving or language courses, buy a subscription to a swimming pool or a fitness club, learn horse riding or run with a compass in the woods. No attractive options? Then we go shopping and buy what we like. Not enough money? Well, it's so simple while we admire dresses and trinkets, thinking about how to make money on them. We are acting, acting, acting! The ability to act, experiencing heartache is the woman's main weapon in fighting this pain. So let's not ignore him! Let us not be able to calm down completely, and longing for the ex-husband will remain. But the feelings will not be so burning. And the internal state will allow to act judiciously. This is exactly what is needed to resolve the issue of the spouse's return to the family. What to do after we have acquired the ability to think soberly?
What to do in order to return the husband to the family after the divorce
Well, we finally calmed down a bit. How to proceed? First of all, we need to think carefully about what happened. What is the real reason for the divorce? Perhaps, the marriage was really unsuccessful, and now the husband wants to return simply from the principle? But should it be done then? Well, there will be reconciliation, and the man will again take the proper place in the house. But in the relationship something will not change! Again, all the same conflicts will arise, there will be a previous reluctance to go one to another, and sooner or later again will have to part. Only this time is forever. So what is the meaning of such reconciliation? Would not it be better to be alone for a while and look around? Surely somewhere near there is someone with whom you can create a harmonious and fairly happy family. Well, if the spouse wants to see next to him because he still loves, it's another matter. After all, he married, which meant that he had a reciprocal feeling. Perhaps now it is somewhat blunted, but it has not disappeared without a trace, that's for sure. Though some drop of it still should remain. So we try to turn this drop first into a stream, and then into a river. Let's start with an exact definition of why the divorce occurred. We need to understand what we have committed an oversight, what has been overlooked, and what was done wrong. Yes, it is necessary to look for the cause of the break in one's own behavior, and not in the actions of a man. Because the regulation of family relations is the task of the wife. Women are able to intuitively catch the slightest changes in the mood of their halves and also intuitively find a way to change this mood for the benefit of the family. But we often do not consider it necessary to strain. And instead of subtly and carefully acting on her husband, scandalous, rude and trying to command. Or do not even notice what is happening to him. Say, and so come down. Once married, then, will not go anywhere. And it disappears. First it goes into itself. And then, if you do not take emergency measures, and completely leaves home. So we think, we are intensively thinking about why the relations have cracked, but mutual understanding has disappeared. The reason for this could be increased demands, caprices, petty nit-picking, constant grumbling, excessive suspicion, inability and unwillingness to listen, dismissive statements, groundless accusations ... In short, anything that could hurt a husband for a living or bored so that he wanted from him to get rid of. If we are ready to admit our own mistakes and correct them, we are looking for a way to talk with the spouse. At the same time, we take into account the fact that he will start to reproach for something and blame something. Both reproaches and accusations are often unfair. Well, there's nothing to be done, you'll have to listen, swallow, and even ask for forgiveness. After all, in the formerly faithful, offended self-esteem and resentment speak. Let him speak. It is necessary to release steam. Otherwise, a calm conversation with him will not work. During the conversation, in no case do we reproach the ex-husband absolutely in anything. Even if he changed and went to another woman, we go around this topic. Of course, I really want to arrange a grandiose scene. But it will only strengthen the tension in the relationship and most likely force the man to completely abandon the meetings. Do we really need this outcome? No. So, we try to demonstrate that we do not pretend to be free and recognize the right to do what we want. And that the purpose of the conversation is to understand why the marriage broke up, and not at all an insistent attempt to return her husband to the family. Directly suggest that he should not come together again. Indirectly, it can be hinted that the doors of the house are open. Let while comes as the friend. This will be the best behavior that allows and maintains communication with the ex-husband, and choose a way to leave him in the family. It should be remembered that in this way there can not be an attempt to have sex or a delicious dinner. Go to bed, eat dinner, and then go back home in the belief that he can get both, when he pleases. A man needs to fall in love with himself anew. This means that we must become an independent, charming, very interesting woman, whom he did not know before. And which I want to conquer. To do this, we will correct the manner of behavior, excluding from it what could have caused the divorce. We will train ourselves to always smile and look good. Slightly flirt with the faithful, as if between deeds letting him know that we take advantage of the attention of the stronger sex. We put a bouquet of flowers in a prominent place, put a box of chocolates and start to appear in the company of common acquaintances with an imposing knight. If flowers and sweets are not given, we will buy them ourselves. A cavalier, when he is not, lend a friend. Well, or we will ask to perform such a role for someone from colleagues or distant acquaintances. In short, we do everything to make the husband realize - the former spouse is able to exist without him. Usually in such cases, the instinct of the owner awakens in men. They begin to wonder, with whom and how the old wife spends time, regularly call her and ask for a visit. Show your willingness to always take the ex-husband should not. Sometimes you need to refer to the employment and offer to meet at another time. Let it be a little nervous, it's useful. In any case, this behavior will make him think more about his former family, which is already good. When we invite the faithful home, we will get an album with joint photos and remember the time when both were happy. And then we'll ask for something to help - hang a shelf, fix a faucet, move furniture. It is necessary that he again feel like a master of housing. This will make a believer feel the need for presence near his former wife. And it will be more and more pulling him back and starting all over again. But even if all these tricks do not work, and the former husband will continue to live a separate life, we will win. Because we will make our existence as full-fledged and promising. We advise you to read: