Some people suffer from loneliness. As a rule, they are completely immersed in their sufferings, and they become even more lonely when they observe others who communicate naturally with each other. Even more difficult for a lonely person becomes a situation where around him are mostly couples - friendly or love. After all, friends or spouses have a deep relationship, which is completely deprived of a lonely person. Sadness and loneliness are increasingly corroding his soul, and a person falls into a deep depression. And depression - as a spring, which the stronger and longer the compress, the stronger it then "shoots." Prolonged depression in single people threatens to turn into a disaster, even suicide. It is not for nothing that among the lonely people the percentage of suicide is very high. And how to overcome the feeling of loneliness and is it even possible? And what kind of "beast" is this - loneliness? In what situation does a person begin to feel lonely? And does every loneliness make a person unhappy? We asked a lot of questions, let's now understand.
What is loneliness?
Loneliness is such a constant emotionala condition in which a person feels isolated and devastated. He understands that he does not need anyone, no one needs his society and himself. This is a common opinion about the feeling of loneliness. This, in general, is correct; but the fact is that loneliness is different. Sometimes it happens that loneliness is the choice of some people in certain specific situations, and a person feels lonely, even being among other people. So often happens in those cases when a person does not find contact with others and sees the need for self-isolation. Obviously, they have no desire to overcome loneliness, because such isolation serves as a defense mechanism for such people, creating a zone of comfort for them. Loneliness is different for every person. Some people feel lonely in dealing with specific people. Some feel lonely in the crowd (we just talked about this). Some feel lonely, because they have not found their love. Some feel lonely, because they suffer from depression (in this case, first there was depression, and then a sense of loneliness, not the other way around), increased anxiety and other painful conditions. It turns out that loneliness is a very broad concept, and everyone feels it differently. But there is something that unites all these feelings - this is the lack of communication with other people or with some particular person. So, it becomes clear that loneliness is a very complex, multidimensional phenomenon. Therefore, there is not even a single "cure" for loneliness, simply because there are many different types of loneliness. Agree: the loneliness of the widow who recently lost her husband is significantly different from the loneliness of the boy who is sick, lies in bed and can not go out to play my friends in football. And just as there is no single type of loneliness, there is no single solution to how to get rid of feelings of loneliness. Different problems require different solutions.
What are the types of loneliness?
One of the most important aspects of loneliness isthe frequency with which this feeling occurs in humans. Some people feel lonely rarely, and if this happens, it happens in certain specific situations. For example, someone may feel such feelings on a cloudy rainy day, and on someone - on a business trip, in an unfamiliar environment and away from family and friends. This type of loneliness, psychologists call "situational state of loneliness", because such a feeling, arises only in connection with a certain coincidence of circumstances. The complete opposite is the more enduring type of loneliness, when the feeling of loneliness persists regardless of the situation. In this case, not circumstances make a person feel inner discomfort, but his own choice. Loneliness for such a person is, as it were, the defining feature of his personality. Here you can talk about chronic loneliness. Chronic loneliness is, as a rule, a more complex phenomenon. And also ambiguous. People who voluntarily prefer solitude can be divided into several categories. The first category is people who abandon efforts to solve their problems of loneliness and ultimately use the passive "survival" strategy. These strategies are rather attempts to escape from the pain of loneliness than attempts to solve the problem realistically. Such loners, drowning sadness, begin to "jam", or start drinking, too much sleep, spending all their free time in front of the TV - there are many options. Naturally, this only aggravates the state of loneliness. Psychological studies show that such a person's condition can be somehow related to problems in his past. This is the most severe form of feelings of loneliness, and such people, as a rule, need the help of professional psychologists. There is another category of chronically lonely people. In relation to them, we can say that their main problem is "the absence of an object for dividing the disaster." Do not be intimidated by such a complicated formulation, in fact it is not difficult to understand this. From the moment of our birth, we form our attachments. For a child, the object of attachment, first of all, are those people who provide him with care - parents. Care gives the child a sense of safety and comfort, and it is with this feeling in the future that we associate any attachment. Have you ever seen a child who was lost in a crowded place? Around a lot of people, but he cries and calls his mother. Her absence seems to him a serious calamity, because no one in the whole world can trust him like her. And the kid seems that he was left alone in a huge and hostile world. Something similar happens to some single people. They everywhere are looking for a possible object of their affection, but they can not find a person whom they could love and fully trust in him. But why they do not get it? There are several possible reasons. First, it happens when an object of attachment has already existed, but it has been lost - it can be death, divorce, moving to another place of residence and the like. It happens that, after suffering in the past, such a person no longer wants to be open to another love, so as not to get burned again. Fortunately, over time, many of these "conscious" individuals begin to weaken their circular defense, realizing that time and patience will help ease their pain, and openness to new relationships will lead to new love and happiness. Another reason may be that a person lacks social skills to create new connections - friendship, love, friendship. Such persons may be shy or too anxious, alert. In addition, our modern society can also serve to a certain extent. Now individuality and freedom of personality are valued. But any successful interpersonal relationship requires a compromise. And the need for compromise can be regarded as an encroachment on personal freedom. And people can not find a common language ... And one more category of singles should be mentioned. Paradoxically, these people consciously try to seclude themselves, finding joy in their solitude. Refusal from the outside world helps them to rest from the hustle and bustle, allows them to be alone with themselves and with their thoughts, calmly deal with some problems or focus on their favorite business. This state is especially characteristic for creative people. They take solitude to free themselves from external stimuli and express their thoughts and emotions in verses, pictures, images created. Most often in the end, they experience a sense of renewal after a period of voluntary solitude. Of course, such a state can not be considered as painful, because loneliness brings satisfaction to this category of people and can be interrupted without any effort on their part. As you can see, loneliness can result from a number of reasons. A person can be lonely because of painful experience, uncertainty, personal preferences and even because of nonconformism (the desire to contradict all generally accepted norms in all respects). One thing is clear - for whatever reason a person is not alone, the state of loneliness is in fact his personal choice. He can quite dispel the consequences of loneliness, if only he himself wants to. The real problem that such a person may face is the unwillingness to leave his protective "cloak" of loneliness, which, like an invisible cap, hides him from the outside world.
How to get rid of loneliness?
What can be done to get rid of thisoppressive feelings? Different people cope with this in different ways. Greater success is achieved by those who take the most active position in solving the problem of their loneliness. Such people focus on finding the cause and ways of eliminating its consequences. They also try to use what is called an "active survival strategy": they listen to their favorite music, do physical exercises, engage in hobbies, etc. All this helps them to escape from loneliness and use their time more positively. Maybe you feel that no one understands you, and there are no people who think like you. And you start giving up new situations and communicating with other people. But if you want to someday overcome your loneliness, then you must fight the desire to do as you normally do. To get rid of loneliness, you need to get up and go to the light, even if it's more comfortable for you to sit in the dark and cry. We want to offer you a few steps, which, you will come close to getting rid of the feeling of loneliness. The tools we will talk about are effective, but for different people they can work in different ways. But in any case - they work!
A few steps to get rid of loneliness
Kill your loneliness so that it does not kill you!
Overcoming loneliness, if this is a long-term andpervasive, and not just a fleeting feeling, is a difficult work on oneself. Often people who feel lonely are forced to struggle not only with negative emotions, but also with low self-esteem, eating disorders, the problem of addiction to alcohol, the desire for self-mutilation or total refusal to communicate with people. Agree, this is not easy. Therefore, do not let loneliness drag you into your pool. Fight it! How to overcome loneliness? The recommendations we outlined are just some of the ways to solve the problem; everyone should choose for themselves the most acceptable ways. The main thing - try to stay active. If you really want to be healed, then just keep in mind - you can achieve results if you are brave enough to go against all the difficulties. So do your bold first step! We advise you to read: