Our relationship with men is incredible.confusing and complex. We still can not understand each other, we try to change something in something, force something ... In a word, we strain, act, fuss, not knowing peace. But for some reason we can not move from the dead end. The relationship between the sexes does not become easier (we do not take into account sex), the number of strong marriages does not grow, and the spouses who have lived happily together for a long time are still rare. Why? Yes, because we, from generation to generation, make the same mistakes. Let's see, what did not suit women in men before? Lack of attention and disregard for family responsibilities. What are the representatives of the weaker sex complaining about today? Again, the lack of attention on the part of men, on his laziness, inertia, infantilism. They complain and do not suspect that they gave themselves the reason for such behavior. So what is the beautiful half of humanity often wrong? Let's look at the most basic mistakes of women in relationships with men.
The most common female mistakes in relationships
Surely, what we are going to talk about now,It is applicable to the behavior of many women in dealing with a strong gender. It is difficult to call such behavior, but they are convinced that they have chosen the best option for dealing with men. Someone has suggested this method from childhood to a child, someone read about it in a magazine or drew it from books, and someone chose it on their own. Anyway, but similar methods of dealing with representatives of the stronger sex are practiced everywhere. The fact that they, in fact, destroying the root of the possibility of creating a full-fledged happy family, no one even thinks about. What are these ways and how do we make the basic mistakes?
The first error. A woman becomes a mommy and behaves like a child with him
She keeps on guarding her faithful all the time, she decidesfor him any problems, syusyukaet and cackles over her beloved husband, like a chicken over a chicken. This is extremely dangerous for normal relationships and a very common mistake. To begin with, in this case, the wife behaves as if her half is not able to take care of herself. Yes, often men really behave like children. They forget their keys and notebooks at home, they do not know where clean shirts and socks are made, they are poorly oriented in everyday matters, they can not warm up their own dinner and so on. But this does not mean that you need to constantly bring something to an adult man, remind him of something, pick up clothes, brush your hair and almost from a spoon! Yes, in addition, and take responsibility for solving purely male problems. In principle, this behavior of a woman can be understood. Since early childhood, she is being prepared for motherhood, developing in the girl the need to nurse someone. Growing up, she realizes her maternal essence while communicating with her chosen one, surrounding him with excessive care and attention. If the chosen one is a self-sufficient person, such a state of affairs will surely one day start to oppress and annoy him. If he, as a person, has not yet taken place, then he will readily accept the rules of the game suggested by his girlfriend for a long time. And, as a result, in fact turn into the likeness of a little boy, completely dependent on his ubiquitous wife - mother. If this is the case, a woman with the behavior of a mother tries to earn the man's love in a similar way. She wants to become necessary to him in everything, to be sure of the reliability of relations. Some sense in this, of course, is. When a man can not do without his half in anything, he will not get away from it. But then she will need her help, always and everywhere, even in the most banal questions. And he will never grow up! Here also it is necessary to the spouse all life the aunt of the overage child, having forgotten about own desires and the purposes. But the chosen one was intended to be a support and protection. Is it sad? Most likely yes. As for the independent man, with an integral nature, then things are even worse. Regular assassination of his independence, at the end of the end, will lead to a riot. Not wishing to be in charge, a man will rise up against female concern and begin to resist. What this will lead to - the dog knows. At best, the faithful will grow growl about and without reason. At worst - it will wash off, taking with itself only a pair of socks and a toothbrush. How to turn yourself from a caring mother to your favorite woman?
The main thing in all this - do not blame the man formisses and do not swear. Just stubbornly and calmly stand on your own, without interfering and not trying to fix the situation. Sooner or later a sense of responsibility will awaken in him. And the relationship will acquire the corresponding form of the relationship between a man and a woman.
The second error. A woman sacrifices herself to a man, forgetting her interests
In this case, the elect becomes an idol, onwhich is not that they do not pray. Each of his words is raised in dogma, every gesture awe. Before the one that has completely devoted itself to its precious, there is never a dilemma, to leave something better to oneself or give it to him. Of course, to him, to such a loved one, to such an idol! For the sake of him, she will give up her favorite occupation, for her sake, she will give up her hobbies, for his sake, he will start doing things that he can not stand. In the name of her idol, a woman will break off relations with friends and family if they do not like him. Or he will meet with him much less often and secretly from him. And give up his dream in order to realize his dream. Such a woman loses her face and becomes like a blank slate on which a man can write whatever he likes. She hopes that her sacrifice will be appreciated. And the man's love will multiply. It happens and this, but rarely. Most often, the opposite happens. The chosen person ceases to see a person in his friend and loses interest in it. And she herself, devastating her own essence, can spoil her character and become once depressive and spiteful. Of course, this does not help to strengthen relations. How to stop sacrificing yourself?
Intending to build relationships, you must alwaystake into account that they can be happy and strong only with the union of two full personalities. If one partner suppresses the other or allows him to suppress himself, nothing good usually comes of it.
The third error. A woman appreciates a man for his potential
That is, she loves her chosen one not so,what it is now, but what it can become. This is a woman who is looking for someone who needs to get out of something, get it out. To insure. Whatever her personal life was not successful, but without the salvation of any male loser she will not be full. Such rescuers are drawn to seemingly unhappy and misunderstood by someone of the stronger sex. In fact, most of them are weak-willed, unable to love egoists. And they do not really need salvation. But in the fact that they were served - very much even. But women are sure - it is worth supporting such a man and directing him, he will certainly open up and become a strong and bright person. After all, the poor man is extraordinarily talented! If with him there will be an understanding, wise woman - inspirer, he will sooner or later show his talent and start moving forward with seven-league steps ... In fact, such benefactors simply invent a man, attributing to him non-existent qualities. And then they try to improve their chosen one, despite the fact that he rests his hands and feet. They do not want to accept the fact that a man simply does not want to change, and they desperately believe that one day this little bird will turn into a proud eagle. And the "little bird" can treat his savior pretty badly. But the woman does not repel it. In her opinion, rudeness and rudeness on the part of a man is nothing more than a "cry of a long-suffering soul". But in fact his nature is quite different - kind, broad, generous. It is necessary only to help her to manifest, and everything will be in the open. Help to manifest a "good and wide" masculine nature can be a lifetime. You can not find a cat where it does not exist. A sparrow in the eagle will not turn, no matter how hard you try. If a man wanted to become a more perfect person, he would have become without help. No, sometimes confused people really need someone's support or a push in the back. But this applies only to those in whom there is a desire to move forward. If it does not exist, even though it jostles, nothing will happen. In general, the vast majority of women who invent potential opportunities for men need such fantasies. They choose internally flawed people in order to feel more confident. Like, since I was the only one who could see it, it means that I am worth a lot. And if I help you, I will not be charged! Such a peculiar way of self-affirmation is to love a person in spite of what he really is. In general, it is normal - to love a man as he is. But in our case, a woman does not like a real person, but her imaginary image. Such relationships are always on the verge of failure. Correction of the true essence of men under the imagination created by the female imagination can lead to very negative consequences. And, they will touch both partners. A man can be turned from outside into an unruly monster. A woman, obsessed with the idea of directing him to the true path, either to a tyrant or to a dependent person, the only life guide was serving a man-image. No, of course, there are men who willingly adjust and watch with interest their own progress. There are also women, for whom the improvement of man is a natural need, analogous to creative fervor. But together they will happily coexist until men are completely satisfied with their changes. And women will not find their task fulfilled. Then interest to each other, as a rule, disappears. Of course, there are exceptions, but there are not many of them. How to avoid such a mistake in the relationship? Always remember that we are not given absolutely accurate knowledge of what another person needs and what is his true essence. Yes, we can assume that a man can become better. But at the same time one must admit that he is quite satisfied with his present state. Do not spend a lot of effort and time creating an imaginary image. Our fantasies and reality are far from always the same.
How to protect yourself from the banal mistakes in the relationship?
In principle, all these mistakes of women in relations withhusband or partner have the same background. They are based on the desire of the fairer sex to depend on someone. Let's not talk about where this desire comes from and what are its causes. The main thing is that it is inherent in many of us and can significantly spoil life. The subconscious desire to be responsible for another person is inherent in female nature. It is caused by the maternal instinct and does not represent something unnatural. Until a woman begins to vigorously patronize an adult person. It may very well be that, having dissolved into someone else, she will feel comfortable for a while. However, this is a very shaky state that can quickly disappear under the influence of many factors. Healthy and promising relations between two people are possible only on condition of the connection of two whole personalities. If one of them is flawed or inert, and the other dedicates itself to it, do not expect a good one. All the creative energy of the person giving it away will be wasted. In order that this does not happen, we must always remember - we must first of all self-actualize. And then, if necessary, help others to be realized. Building relationships with a man, we must not forget about their own life goals and aspirations. Refusing them should not in any case. Otherwise, there is a risk that we will not only lose respect for the man, but also for him. The task of any person is to find his own, individual path to joy and happiness. Therefore, helping relatives, we must not forget about personal goals and interests. Do not give up the long-awaited meeting with old friends because of the fact that the loved one wants to go to the movies tonight. Do not need to cook only those dishes that he loves, if we do not like them. You can not, trying to improve the skills of men, to study together with him the characteristics of the profession, to which the soul does not lie. It is not necessary to watch boxing with him, if disgust becomes disgusting. It is not good to pick up things scattered everywhere around the pious, look for the numbers of somebody's phones for him, make sure he warms up and so on. This is an adult! Let it become, at last, independent! Undoubtedly, it is possible and necessary to help your partner in certain matters. It is important that this takes the form of a commonwealth, not custody. Both care and help are valuable only if a person is willing to accept them, feeling sincere gratitude and expressing readiness to help if necessary. In this case, the initiative of the woman is welcomed. But even here, help should be provided with pleasure and gratitude for accepting it. In general, intending to get closer to a man, it is desirable to learn more about his life goals and the possible ways of achieving them. If there are no specific goals and desires for constructive action, we need to think hard about whether we need this person. Well, when all this is available, you should watch him for a while. The man did not budge and constantly complains about the misunderstanding of others, the intrigues of envious people, the stupidity of his superiors, and so on? Most likely, he hopes that someone will solve all his problems. This indicates the immaturity of a person as a person. Well, when progress in business and in spiritual development is obvious, one should not argue. Undoubtedly, we usually strive for close relations with those whom we love. And when you love a man, he really wants to make pleasant as often as possible. It is wonderful! But only if we, trying to please the man, do not cultivate negative qualities in him. And do not destroy yourself. After all, much of what is considered to be the natural deeds of a woman in love, is in fact destructive. It may happen that we will also cease to feel happy, and men will behave extremely unworthy. At the same time, it can not be denied that there are men who need excessive female care. Some of them as a child did not have enough love, someone is too keen on their business, and with someone, if you are worn with him, as with the written you, there are magnificent changes. Well, if a loved one refers to one of these types, then why not give him the most attention? Especially when you give him joy and care very much want. However, in this case it is also necessary to let the lover know that he is not the whole world in the window yet. We also have other interests! Otherwise, a man will get used to the guardianship of women and will cease to treat him as a gift of fate. We advise you to read: