Pushkin's words that love is all agessubmissive, spoken in the distant nineteenth century, still have not lost their relevance in terms of interest in couples where there is a significant age difference between partners. If you delve deeper into history and take a close look at the customs of the past, it turns out that at all times the norm was unions where a man is older than his chosen one for many years. Only about love speech often did not go. In most cases, marriages were based on the calculation: young ladies no one asked about whether they have any more or less tender feelings for their adult spouse. The marriage united surnames, political interests, states, that is, completely earthly and material goods, not having much to do with spiritual trepidation. The same story gives examples when young gentlemen put their fervent hearts at the feet of mature women, not paying attention to flocks of their peers or younger generation of virgins. But everything changes, remaining at the same time unchanged. What is new in the institution of marriage we are seeing now, in our time? What is the attitude of close people, the more distant environment, the society as a whole you meet when it comes to a couple where the partners have a difference of 10 years and over? What do these relations look like from the point of view of specialists related to family and marital relations - psychologists, sexologists? Is the figure indicating the difference in years between the two influences the strength of the relationship? Are those families happier and more harmonious, where a woman and a man are of the same age or have a slight difference in age? Let's find out as soon as possible and in more detail.
Given: the age of M is equal to or slightly more than the age of M
The most common in the public eyeare considered pairs where the difference in a percentage ratio between two makes approximately ten-fifteen percent. With a difference in the male side. Such marriages are given the title of equals. Why did it happen so? Because there is an opinion that girls are slightly ahead of boys in social development. For example, puberty in girls begins about three to four years earlier than in young men. From the physiology side, this is not a completely logical explanation, since the partners are not the same age. Biologically the guy is more adult than the girl. But a woman and a man with a difference in this time period are for each other, in fact, a socio-psychological equal. Couples where the age of one of the parties is greater than the other, by forty percent, is called uneven age. The attitude to such families is most ambiguous. It depends on the specific figure, which expresses the difference in years between lovers, and many other factors. For example, families where a man is older than his second half, cause less obvious interest and discussion, if only by age she is not suitable for his granddaughter. Couples where the partner is older than her companion even for several years, causes a much more pronounced interest, and in the case of a significant difference - even explicit denial and condemnation. Let's consider as carefully as possible what can be justified so ambiguously the opinion of odds with a greater age difference than usual for everyone. In both variants. Perhaps by discovering something new in this article, you can draw conclusions for yourself, look at your relationship or the relationship of other couples from a different perspective. Although the question of love, which all ages are submissive, does not give us peace from times much earlier than the classic told us about it.
Given: M is older than F
When a man ties up with a young virgin,then among the male half of the population such a situation meets with almost unanimous approval, understanding and even considered prestigious. Especially if it's a difference of not more than ten years. After all, a twenty-year-old girl and a thirty-year-old man often look very harmonious. If the difference significantly exceeds this figure, then in the environment one can often hear a dismissive about gray hair in the beard and a conversation in the rib. And, usually it is voiced by women, and men are exchanging glances understandingly. Still, look at him: twisted the affair with a very young person, which means that he is still listed as the groom in the marriage market. Psychologists also explain such male behavior as a means of asserting themselves. And the most desired goal for this can come from a young creature who will look at his experienced companion, not taking away admiring eyes and catching every word. Here, the man does not need any effort, proving to himself, to society, or to anyone at all, that he is an unequivocally significant figure. In such pairs, a man a priori is the head of the family. And for knights without fear and reproach, but with low self-esteem, a partnership with a woman of the same age as a person will turn into eternal rivalry. It is possible that this experience has already taken place, and it is hardly possible to call it positive. After all, the family is not a way of solving internal psychological problems at the expense of one's partner through the struggle of interests. This is how a different age relationship looks from the point of view of a strong half of humanity. What does the lovely ladies think about everything that's going on? What is the reason that prompted a woman to get in touch with a man who is much older than her, and sometimes is the same age as her parents? If the partner owns significant material goods (which, in fact, is quite natural), then evil languages are unanimous and ruthless in their verdict. Of course, female greed and self-interest have affected the choice of a loved one, there are no other options! The same is true if a man is famous and famous. It is believed that the girl sells herself in exchange for the connections of her overage protégé. Psychology covers women's behavior from the following aspects. The first one reveals the Electra complex in front of us, in which each girl is able to compare her chosen one with her own parent, which is the embodiment of the ideal for her. She is looking for the features of her own dad in a man, and, looking for them, falls in love with him. Symptoms can be completely different: one of the girls chooses a visual similarity, for example, the father was a brunet, and she does not like blondes. Someone is important similar psychological types of men: for example, the father was a powerful man, and the girl will not get carried away by a shy and shy man. But what does any parent do for his child? He protects him, protects, teaches, he takes responsibility because of his age and accumulated life experience. If a girl is infantile, inexperienced, immature, she is happy to agree to share her destiny and life with a much more mature partner in her age and life experience. If the girl grew up in a family where parental care has dominated her, preventing her from developing independently, then seeking to get rid of her and at the same time fearing the prospect of being defenseless, the girl will find such a substitute. She will replace the real parent with, so to speak, a surrogate. This applies not only to girls who grew up in complete families. Adult girls from single-parent families who did not receive the necessary dose of fatherly love and affection are also in that category of charming ladies who may prefer a more adult to their peers. Such marriages are very stable, if a woman remains a slave, dependent and needing a teacher, and her sexuality is adjusted to the temperament of her elderly beloved. If a girl begins to grow up psychologically, defend her interests, in other words, turn into a woman, then misunderstandings can begin in the family. Avoid this helps the appearance of a child in the family, when both parents immerse themselves in the care of a new member of the family. Despite the fact that for a female girl this role will be unfamiliar, and for a male father there is a real chance to take care of two children in the family instead of one - his wife.
Given: M over M
Returning to the beginning of this article, wewe remember that the age-old marriage will not be the one in which for ten to fifteen percent of the man exceeds his age in age. It turns out that any marriage, where the companion is older than his chosen one, even if only for one year, can already be classified as unequal marriages? It would be logical to assume that this is so. After all, men, with some exceptions, develop and mature later than women. From the point of view of physiology, say even more precisely - of the reproductive function, such relations are unnatural. After all, the woman's biological clock is closer to forty, all the more quiet, and the young thirty-year-old partner does not yet see herself as a father. A man can become a father at seventy. Such cases are known and far from single. But in the history there are very few episodes where women became pregnant and safely gave birth, exchanging the fifth or sixth dozen. What, in the opinion of psychologists, are men guided by choosing such a relationship? Often a young man, devoid of intimate experience or having it in small quantities, wants to get him in the arms of a more experienced woman. Also, it can be boys, deprived from childhood maternal affection or care. Or vice versa, it could be the son of such a domineering and dominating mother who restricted his communication with peers, which led to the fact that they do not arouse his interest. In the person of his adult woman, he finds a new mother, a parent, giving him, together with protection and affection, sexual satisfaction. How can one not remember the cleverness of Freud with his theory about the Oedipus complex? A man subconsciously searches among all earthly beauties the one that will have a resemblance to the woman who gave birth or brought him up. It does not always mean that you are preparing a kissel like your mother-in-law, or you know three languages, like his dearest mother. But almost always you have to be a little more than just his partner, a little wiser than he, a little more mature, smart, determined and often leading in a relationship. Leadership is quite reasonably assigned to a woman in such pairs, because she is more experienced than her young gentleman, as a rule, in all senses. She subconsciously acquires the status of a mentor, which involuntarily helps many women with an unrealized maternal instinct to partially or even completely satisfy it. The development of a partner under the sensitive and skilful influence of her experienced lady can really be quite positive, having for the guy a very positive side. Sexuality of such couples in the age range from twenty to forty is practically in ideal conditions, both for women and for men. In comparison with unions where a man is older than his lady, sex in these pairs is colored in brighter colors. A man is more young, therefore, more hot, and the peak of female sexuality usually comes to thirty years. Bed, especially the first time, literally boils over the passion of the couple. Such a rich intimate life very positively affects the harmonious relationship in any family created between a young man and a woman older than him. But time passes, and the boy begins to turn into a man, like a doll in a butterfly. This happens not only in the intimate side of the matter. He is already trying his hand at becoming a head of the family not nominally, but literally: make a decision, bear responsibility. If for a woman such behavior becomes a surprise and she is not ready for changes in the wife, she is not ready to change herself, sharing power with her second half, then conflicts will be very difficult to avoid. The most important thing that can prevent you from enjoying relationships much more than anything else is how you yourself and your chosen one treat them. If a woman is accustomed to believe that her prince should be older (stronger, taller, smarter) her, then such an alliance will not last long either, unless the second half is ready for it. Look at it from the other side, from the perspective of your partner. Your family is what is being built by your joint efforts. In order for something to happen, we should not be afraid, but just trust our beloved and ourselves, and do what the heart tells us.
Mathematics of life: the pros and cons of uneven-aged relationships
What can be the pros and cons of such a relationship?
Supporters of marriage ties among peers say,that the mutual weakening of sexual desires in both partners will lead to deplorable consequences for their relations. If a woman, growing old faster, ceases to attract her young partner, he will immediately go to a younger competitor. Either a man, decrepit before his young wife, will be forced to decorate his gray hairs with horns. The truth is that the absence of betrayal is not guaranteed by anyone and nothing. Each marriage is in its own way in the danger zone, if there is no true spiritual intimacy between the spouses. Sexual desire between partners can be weakened not only by objectively arrived reasons, such as the old age of one of them, while the other is still in the stage of maturity or maturity. Misunderstanding and lack of love between partners is much more likely to cause sexual cooling and is the reason for the separation, disintegration of the union than this stereotype. Moreover, many peers are unhappy with their sexual lives simply because of different temperaments. Age here does not play any significant role at all. Just family ties were found to involve people with cardinally different desires and approaches to sex.
- Old age
Many advocates of age-matrimonial marriages havethe opinion that the co-aging of peers does not promote mutual cooling, but rather brings the husband and wife closer to the presence of problems of one or a similar nature. For example, the approach of old age is marked by the appearance of identical diseases in both spouses. And also external manifestations of old age: the appearance of wrinkles, the loss of fresh appearance, attractiveness, vivacity. Ostensibly, looking at the beginner to suffer from a shortness of breath, the young wife will not want to be his nanny. And having seen the goose paws on his face, of course, amusing, but so "stale" compared to the young wives of the couple, the young husband will go to a nightclub, leaving his second half of the house. This point of view deserves only one thing - a skeptical attitude. Egoism and the consumer attitude towards a partner ruined a considerable number of marriages, where the spouses were of the same age. At any age, each of the spouses who have formed a family with a person with a small age difference can get sick. At the same time, it is unlikely that the date of birth will call someone to account better than it can be done by love, mutual respect and the right principles invested in us by upbringing. Loving people tend to take care of their close people not because they are of the same age, but because they can not imagine anything else. This is a natural state in any family. As for the external appeal, it has long been noted that women, being in a relationship with younger fans, look much younger than their peers. And not always with the help of various additional manipulations. If the difference is large enough, then modern medicine quite allows interference in the natural course of natural events. If you do not turn back the time, then neutralize some of the traces of its impact.
Opponents of unequal marriages with disbeliefrefer to them because they do not see the future of such families, and therefore do not see in them a natural reason for marriage - the appearance of offspring. Very in vain. In such families, there are no fewer pluses that contribute to the appearance of children, as in an age-old alliance. Men often feel like becoming a dad much later than a woman. For a woman, this is generally a natural and normal desire from the very onset of adulthood. Therefore, in a family where a man is thirty or forty years old, and a woman already has eighteen, the spouses have every chance of becoming happy parents. Moreover, to such an age a man, as a rule, achieves many professional achievements and is able to provide his family in full. Even taking into account the planned increase. Before the onset of a certain age line, delineated by nature, a woman can become a mother at any time. But even after its offensive, one can not say that such a marriage is doomed. Surrogate motherhood gives chance to many women to feel the joy of motherhood, and men - to become the father of a child, born of a beloved woman. The modern reality is that in families where the husband and wife are peers, the desire to become parents does not always come at the same time. Having problems with the childbearing function of one of the partners can also deprive them of a chance to become parents. Then it will also have to be fought for. Many twenty-year-olds, when entering into marriage, do not think about the moment when they want to become a mother and father. And the new trend of Childfree unites under its banner people who voluntarily refuse to become parents. This strange phenomenon confirms once again that even such a very ambiguous community of interests and the unity of views on life is able to unite people much more strongly than any figure. Even if it indicates the date of birth of each partner. You can very long sort out the pros and cons of each of the types of relationships. But everywhere you can sum up one result. Love and the desire to be with a loved one will always have a greater impact on the preservation of the family than any reasons that we can cite as an example. The reasons why one or another pair broke up, the age of one of the spouses can affect in the same way as a solar eclipse. Years lived together by the couple are mutual wealth not only in couples where one of the spouses exceeds the second by age significantly. The institution of marriage as such is now experiencing not the best of times, and therefore lasting marriages are even revered for rarity even among spouses of the same age. With this approach, each family should be protected, regardless of how old the lovers can boast there.
Love is always love!
Psychologists advise any couple, the difference inage at which causes bewilderment or even shock at an environment, to remember the following. Most of the problems that can arise within their union are cultivated by rejection of family relations of a similar format, the large presence of stereotypes and various conventions, both within the family itself and in society. If the couple, where a man is more mature, are still more tolerant, then in the opposite situation, a woman and a man experience all the charms of condemnation. Their behavior is treated literally, as a challenge to the moral foundations of society. Therefore, in such pairs it is necessary to be prepared to hold on to each other twice, to cherish your feelings and feelings of a partner. Listen first of all to your heart and the voice of your own soul. Learn to trust your partner, like yourself. Do not sharpen your own difference between yourself and your loved ones, find the strength to be above the rumor and the opinions of others. After all, the main thing about which only you and your loved one know, from the eyes of others are hidden and hidden in your hearts. Love does not need a public display, and if you really and truly love, then someone else's opinion has nothing to do with you and your family. You fell in love not on your date of birth, not in status or money. You are in love with what makes your loved one the most important thing for you, the most expensive and desired. Fall in love contrary or because. But this does not depend on age in any way. If this is love, then the warmth of your relationship, understanding between you - this will be the main thing. It will unite and bind you. And not the figures from the birth certificate. Psychologists and sexologists warn that in the area of greatest danger are families where the difference between partners is twenty years and more. Here, the so-called scissors effect works, when the psychological, sexual and physiological development of them goes in opposite directions. He who is forewarned is armed. Use this knowledge to understand more, to find out the partner. This is very appropriate in uneven-aged marriages. Try to believe more in your relationship and do not allow strangers there. Then everything will be wonderful for you. Happy and loving your eyes and your beloved - this is the best evidence to others that you are loved, desired and it is mutual. No mathematics with its numbers and calculations will play a role here.